About: Tanner's Momma

Posts by Tanner's Momma:

September… Not that we needed a reminder…

It’s September again.  A month filled with so many emotions I’m not sure how I’m feeling from one second to the next. I’m not sure what rooftop I need to scream this from, but IT’S PEDIATRIC CANCER AWARENESS MONTH.  This in itself is something that drives me a bit crazy, because shouldn’t people be aware […]


Running in Circles…

Only a grieving parent can understand what it is to be “drowning in grief”.  You feel like you’re in a pit of quicksand and as it closes in on you there is no getting out.  You can’t breath, you can’t pull yourself up, you have no strength as you lay their wishing that it will […]


What I’d Give for a Moment of Presence…

You know what’s the hardest part?  Being present.  We are all busy people.  I work full time, I have a beautiful 3 1/2 year old son Chase, who tries to consume my every single free second, and I volunteer as a board member for The Lexiebean Foundation to help other children with cancer.  I like […]


It’s a Foreign Language…

There is no such thing as closure.  We never close this part of our life, the part of losing a child.  It molds us forever. *Beyond Tears: Living After Losing a Child   You learn so much when you speak with other bereaved parents.  Every single one of them is going through the same pain, […]


Approaching the Unknown

Tanner was 3 years, 5 months and 13 days old when he passed away.  From the time of his diagnosis (22 months) on, we lived a new “normal”… normal was weekly trips for chemo, radiation, blood draws, physicals, scans… counters full of medications, injections and constant living on edge – watching him, nervously, for any […]


Mother’s Day (with a broken heart)…

Mother’s day is my favorite holiday.  I don’t celebrate my birthday really, aside from a little cake, which is more for Chase than it is for me.  I don’t like to celebrate my birthday…. Not because I don’t like getting older, but because getting older is a privilege denied to so many children, like my […]


The Gaping Hole… 2 Years in Heaven

How is it even possible.  How have I continued to wake up for 2 years… 24 months… 730 days…17,520 hours without my son… It has been too long since I touched his face, kissed his beautiful mouth, felt his sweet breath on my face, felt his sweet hand in mine.  And, every minute that I […]


sometimes I just don’t know what to say…

It’s been a long month, this past March.  Which is funny, because April is always a hard month for me, being Tanner’s angelversary.  But this March was particularly tough…. and with no real concrete reason.  Easter usually puts me on the edge of sanity, being that Tanner passed on Easter Monday.  I always think about […]



world cancer day…

why is there a world cancer day?  I mean, seriously, why isn’t it world cancer year?  Why isn’t it what-the-hell-are-we-going-to-do-about-children-dying-day every day of the year??? One day isn’t enough.  Maybe we can get a little advocacy in for a day, but then you know what happens, tomorrow everyone goes back to their normally scheduled programs […]