Category Archives: Uncategorized

sometimes I just don’t know what to say…

It’s been a long month, this past March.  Which is funny, because April is always a hard month for me, being Tanner’s angelversary.  But this March was particularly tough…. and with no real concrete reason.  Easter usually puts me on the edge of sanity, being that Tanner passed on Easter Monday.  I always think about […]


I need a sign… to let me know you’re here…

Every day when I come home from work, I get off the train and pull right into the cemetery across the street to visit Tanner.  I know I’m just visiting his stone, I know he is always with me, I know he isn’t “there”… but his stone his, and keeping it clean (brushing off the […]


world cancer day…

why is there a world cancer day?  I mean, seriously, why isn’t it world cancer year?  Why isn’t it what-the-hell-are-we-going-to-do-about-children-dying-day every day of the year??? One day isn’t enough.  Maybe we can get a little advocacy in for a day, but then you know what happens, tomorrow everyone goes back to their normally scheduled programs […]


Everything for a reason?

So I was having this discussion with my husband on a trip to go skiing last weekend… that constant question that always comes up – why my kid?  Why did he have to die?  Why couldn’t it have been that he beat it? I still believe in the whole “everything for a reason” saying.  I […]


A New Year Without You

Happy New Year! Everyone I come across wishes this to us, and I say it back, politely.  I’m not sure how I feel, honestly.  Every year that passes is one year further away from when I last held Tanner in my arms.  Another year passes that he wasn’t a part of, and he won’t be […]


All I Want for Christmas… Is YOU.

So, it’s one week until Christmas.  Like I mentioned in my earlier post, Andrew and I are trying our hardest and best to give Chase the greatest Christmas ever.  We have been decorated, finished shopping, wrapped and ready for weeks now.  We took Chase to see Santa more than a few times (and he will […]


My Wish

“but more than anything, more than anything… My wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it to.   Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small, you never need to carry more than you can hold… and while you’re out there going where you’re getting to, I hope you know […]


A Time for Recovery

Up here in the Northeast we were brutally hit by hurricane Sandy.  Our own home was fortunately not damaged, however we, like many others, were without power for 2 weeks.  I learned over that time, that I would not be good at camping.  I don’t consider myself high maintenance, but I need to be able […]


Gonna Get There Someday…

 “Glad I told you all I meant to, while I had the chance.  Cause every moment I had with you made me who I am.” ~Dierks Bentley, Gonna Get There Someday. Something I say very very often is “I’d rather have had 3 ½ years with Tanner, than none at all”.  Not every mom-cologist feels that […]


Sometimes I wonder, how does the world keep turning?

Where do we go from here?  I don’t mean to start out this blog journey on a sad note, but how can I not, right?  Tanner Jayden, my first born son, lost his battle with alveolar rhabdomyosarcoma, a brain and central nervous system tumor at the age of 3 ½.  Diagnosed just before his second birthday, […]