I Carry Your Heart With Me

Last week, The Lexiebean Foundation went to Sunrise Day camp, a camp specifically for children with cancer and their siblings on Long Island, to host our annual pizza party and give out nearly 400 goody bags for the kids.  We do this every year, and every year I go with mixed emotions. That morning, after […]


It’s Personal

Last week we had a guy come over to measure our kitchen for new cabinets.  It is the first time I met him, as he came in my front door, and all I knew of him was his first name and the fact that he built cabinets.  As he was measuring, Chase came home from […]


4th Annual Wish Upon a Star Gala

April 25, 2014 Time: 7:30pm – 12:30am Location: Leonard’s of Great Neck 555 Northern Boulevard Great Neck, NY 11021 Helping ease the financial and emotional burdens that childhood cancer places upon a family, while providing comfort to children as they cope with the extended hospital stays, often associated with their illness. The Lexiebean Foundation supplies […]


He Changed My Soul

3 years.  How is it possible? I have gotten out of bed and continued breathing for 1,095 days without my son here on this earth.  April 25th, 2011 the world stopped turning and our lives and hearts were shattered as Tanner took his last breaths, snuggled in between Andrew and myself, holding our hands.  How […]


It Hits You Like a Tidal Wave

Sometimes, you think you’re doing great.  I’d even go as far as to say I thought I was having a good day.  I went to work, I came home, I worked out, cooked dinner, did some homework with Chase, took a shower…   I went to clean up some toys in Tanner’s room (we let Chase […]


On Happy…

We all deserve to live our lives as joyfully as possible, despite our heartaches.   I am not the same person I was before Tanner died.  I am a broken person, with a little less spring in my step, and a little less cheer in my voice.  I will never be who I was before, […]


On Grief

Here’s the thing about being a bereaved parent – it is the constant.  It is the new starting point for all other feelings, experiences and emotions.  You can feel joy, but you feel joy with a base of sadness, an underpinning of grief.  I feel joy when I watch Chase accomplish new things – like […]


I’m his best girl.

I really can’t believe my baby is going to be 4 years old.  4 years ago, on January 30th, 2010, Chase came into our lives, 9 weeks early, a tiny little man, only 3lb 5oz.  He was born via emergency c-section and I should’ve known then that his grand “crash” entrance into this world was […]


Questions from an almost 4 year old…

Chase talks about Tanner often.  We talk about Tanner often, but lately Chase has really been talking about him alot.  We were walking through Home Goods Saturday night and Chase wanted to sit in the big part of the shopping cart.  He said the seat was where Tanner was going to sit. Chase “plays” with […]


Another year older, another year missing you…

Birthdays just aren’t what they used to be.  We used to have a cake, cards, presents… we used to celebrate.  Today is my birthday, and I have no desire to celebrate anything.  Actually, I wish it would just fade away and be just an average crappy Tuesday.  I am overwhelmed by the happy birthday wishes […]