He Changed My Soul

3 years.  How is it possible? I have gotten out of bed and continued breathing for 1,095 days without my son here on this earth.  April 25th, 2011 the world stopped turning and our lives and hearts were shattered as Tanner took his last breaths, snuggled in between Andrew and myself, holding our hands.  How […]


It Hits You Like a Tidal Wave

Sometimes, you think you’re doing great.  I’d even go as far as to say I thought I was having a good day.  I went to work, I came home, I worked out, cooked dinner, did some homework with Chase, took a shower…   I went to clean up some toys in Tanner’s room (we let Chase […]


On Happy…

We all deserve to live our lives as joyfully as possible, despite our heartaches.   I am not the same person I was before Tanner died.  I am a broken person, with a little less spring in my step, and a little less cheer in my voice.  I will never be who I was before, […]


On Grief

Here’s the thing about being a bereaved parent – it is the constant.  It is the new starting point for all other feelings, experiences and emotions.  You can feel joy, but you feel joy with a base of sadness, an underpinning of grief.  I feel joy when I watch Chase accomplish new things – like […]


I’m his best girl.

I really can’t believe my baby is going to be 4 years old.  4 years ago, on January 30th, 2010, Chase came into our lives, 9 weeks early, a tiny little man, only 3lb 5oz.  He was born via emergency c-section and I should’ve known then that his grand “crash” entrance into this world was […]


Questions from an almost 4 year old…

Chase talks about Tanner often.  We talk about Tanner often, but lately Chase has really been talking about him alot.  We were walking through Home Goods Saturday night and Chase wanted to sit in the big part of the shopping cart.  He said the seat was where Tanner was going to sit. Chase “plays” with […]


Another year older, another year missing you…

Birthdays just aren’t what they used to be.  We used to have a cake, cards, presents… we used to celebrate.  Today is my birthday, and I have no desire to celebrate anything.  Actually, I wish it would just fade away and be just an average crappy Tuesday.  I am overwhelmed by the happy birthday wishes […]


Still Thankful…

I was thinking yesterday about how different life could be. What if I went to a different high school?  The one my grandparents wanted to send me to was St. Dominick’s.  I wanted to go to Holy Trinity because all of my friends were going there.  If I had listened to my grandparents, would I […]


Happy 6th Birthday Tanner, in Heaven…

November 12, 2007 was without a doubt, the greatest day of my life. Andrew and I were married 4 years and had trouble conceiving.  My whole life I believed that things happened because you made them happen.  If you go to college and get good grades, you get a good job.  If you work hard […]


The Scariest Halloween Trick…

Want to hear something really scary this Halloween?  7 children will die TODAY from pediatric cancer.  Pediatric cancer doesn’t pause for holidays or any other day of the year.  Today 46 more children will be diagnosed, and 2,555 children will have celebrated their last Halloween last year.  2,555 children will not be wearing costumes this […]