Approaching the Unknown

Tanner was 3 years, 5 months and 13 days old when he passed away.  From the time of his diagnosis (22 months) on, we lived a new “normal”… normal was weekly trips for chemo, radiation, blood draws, physicals, scans… counters full of medications, injections and constant living on edge – watching him, nervously, for any […]


Mother’s Day (with a broken heart)…

Mother’s day is my favorite holiday.  I don’t celebrate my birthday really, aside from a little cake, which is more for Chase than it is for me.  I don’t like to celebrate my birthday…. Not because I don’t like getting older, but because getting older is a privilege denied to so many children, like my […]


The Gaping Hole… 2 Years in Heaven

How is it even possible.  How have I continued to wake up for 2 years… 24 months… 730 days…17,520 hours without my son… It has been too long since I touched his face, kissed his beautiful mouth, felt his sweet breath on my face, felt his sweet hand in mine.  And, every minute that I […]


Tri-State NY Spartan Sprint at Citi Field

April 13th, 2013 Start Time: 8:00am Location: Citi Field 126-01 Roosevelt Ave Flushing, NY 11368 Lexie’s Legs will participate in the Tri-State NY Spartan Sprint at Citi Field. If you wish to join this race, please email runners@lexiebeanfoundation.org.


3rd Annual Wish Upon a Star Gala

April 5, 2013 Time: 7:30pm – 12:30am Location: Leonard’s of Great Neck 555 Northern Boulevard Great Neck, NY 11021 Helping ease the financial and emotional burdens that childhood cancer places upon a family, while providing comfort to children as they cope with the extended hospital stays, often associated with their illness. The Lexiebean Foundation supplies […]


sometimes I just don’t know what to say…

It’s been a long month, this past March.  Which is funny, because April is always a hard month for me, being Tanner’s angelversary.  But this March was particularly tough…. and with no real concrete reason.  Easter usually puts me on the edge of sanity, being that Tanner passed on Easter Monday.  I always think about […]


I need a sign… to let me know you’re here…

Every day when I come home from work, I get off the train and pull right into the cemetery across the street to visit Tanner.  I know I’m just visiting his stone, I know he is always with me, I know he isn’t “there”… but his stone his, and keeping it clean (brushing off the […]


world cancer day…

why is there a world cancer day?  I mean, seriously, why isn’t it world cancer year?  Why isn’t it what-the-hell-are-we-going-to-do-about-children-dying-day every day of the year??? One day isn’t enough.  Maybe we can get a little advocacy in for a day, but then you know what happens, tomorrow everyone goes back to their normally scheduled programs […]


Everything for a reason?

So I was having this discussion with my husband on a trip to go skiing last weekend… that constant question that always comes up – why my kid?  Why did he have to die?  Why couldn’t it have been that he beat it? I still believe in the whole “everything for a reason” saying.  I […]


A New Year Without You

Happy New Year! Everyone I come across wishes this to us, and I say it back, politely.  I’m not sure how I feel, honestly.  Every year that passes is one year further away from when I last held Tanner in my arms.  Another year passes that he wasn’t a part of, and he won’t be […]