Posts Tagged ‘ grief ’

Loneliness is Loud and Clear

I’ve noticed in the past year or so that Chase “pretends” quite often while he is playing.  He will be down in his playroom, playing with legos, or dressing up like Luke Skywalker, or even just coloring and I hear him talking to someone as if he has a playmate.  Now, I’m no stranger to […]


What Should’ve Been…

Today as I took Chase by the hand to his Kindergarten orientation, as I scrolled through my facebook newsfeed looking at hundreds of smiling faces in freshly pressed outfits with new haircuts and new backpacks… I couldn’t help but think about “what should’ve been”. Today was bittersweet.  Chase is starting Kindergarten at his elementary school.  […]


A Surprise Christmas Message from Tanner…

So, last night we saw Theresa Caputo, the LI Medium.  We have seen her before, always in group settings, and she is amazing.  If you’ve ever seen her show, you know she has the funniest personality.  We weren’t planning on going to this event, but like I’ve said before sometimes things just happen for a […]


Time

I have been putting off writing for a long time now.  I thought about writing at back to school time, with all the joys of watching Chase go off to school, and all the pain of looking at first day pictures knowing that I should have had two beautiful boys in my pictures too… thinking […]


It Hits You Like a Tidal Wave

Sometimes, you think you’re doing great.  I’d even go as far as to say I thought I was having a good day.  I went to work, I came home, I worked out, cooked dinner, did some homework with Chase, took a shower…   I went to clean up some toys in Tanner’s room (we let Chase […]


On Happy…

We all deserve to live our lives as joyfully as possible, despite our heartaches.   I am not the same person I was before Tanner died.  I am a broken person, with a little less spring in my step, and a little less cheer in my voice.  I will never be who I was before, […]


On Grief

Here’s the thing about being a bereaved parent – it is the constant.  It is the new starting point for all other feelings, experiences and emotions.  You can feel joy, but you feel joy with a base of sadness, an underpinning of grief.  I feel joy when I watch Chase accomplish new things – like […]


Questions from an almost 4 year old…

Chase talks about Tanner often.  We talk about Tanner often, but lately Chase has really been talking about him alot.  We were walking through Home Goods Saturday night and Chase wanted to sit in the big part of the shopping cart.  He said the seat was where Tanner was going to sit. Chase “plays” with […]


The Scariest Halloween Trick…

Want to hear something really scary this Halloween?  7 children will die TODAY from pediatric cancer.  Pediatric cancer doesn’t pause for holidays or any other day of the year.  Today 46 more children will be diagnosed, and 2,555 children will have celebrated their last Halloween last year.  2,555 children will not be wearing costumes this […]


It’s a Foreign Language…

There is no such thing as closure.  We never close this part of our life, the part of losing a child.  It molds us forever. *Beyond Tears: Living After Losing a Child   You learn so much when you speak with other bereaved parents.  Every single one of them is going through the same pain, […]