A New Year Without You

Happy New Year! Everyone I come across wishes this to us, and I say it back, politely.  I’m not sure how I feel, honestly.  Every year that passes is one year further away from when I last held Tanner in my arms.  Another year passes that he wasn’t a part of, and he won’t be a part of this one either.  The further I get away from 2011, the more I miss it.  How I wish April 25th 2011 didn’t ever exist.

For New Years, we went skiing with our family, as we have done for years.  It was a very nice trip, and I am so lucky to be surrounded by family who loves and supports me.  Family who isn’t afraid to speak about Tanner, and family who understands that I will never be over it.  This year was different… we put Chase in ski school.  One month shy of 3 years old, and he’s going to ski school.  We were so proud of him, going on the magic carpet by himself and going down that bunny slope on those tiny skis.  He protested the cold a little, but overall, he did pretty well.  Of course as proud of him as we were, there is always that sinking feeling in our hearts thinking “Tanner would be 5 this year.  He would be skiing so well this year… I wonder if he would’ve loved skiing… yet another thing he never got to try”…

After his first day of ski school, we asked Chase about skiing. We asked “who did you ski with?” (expecting him to tell us the names of his adorable cousins who were with him).  Chase responded “I skied with Tanner!  He was wearing a big funny hat with a light and he skied fast!”  In my opinion, Chase doesn’t have the ability to “make things up” yet, so I believe him.  I believe Tanner was there, on that mountain, skiing with his little brother.  It gives me a sense of comfort.

I can’t help but see or hear people say things like “I can’t imagine my life without them”, when speaking about their children.  Why doesn’t that sentence ALWAYS end with “and my heart goes out to anyone who has to”.  Pediatric cancer is real, and it is killing our children.  According to the National Cancer Institute, approximately 12,400 U.S. children will be diagnosed with some form of cancer this year. About one in 300 boys and one in 333 girls will develop cancer before the age of 20. The statistics become even greater because there are so many health problems that come with the cancer diagnosis that are life long. Although cure rates are steadily improving, pediatric cancer remains the leading cause of death by disease in children under the age of 15, claiming approximately 3,000 young victims each year.  Yet people go along in their daily lives, oblivious of these facts, oblivious of these suffering children and their families.  We need more advocacy!  With statistics like these, you never know, it could happen in your family.

(Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/health/2010/09/10/september-national-childhood-cancer-awareness-month/#ixzz2H15nBIqs)

The Lexiebean Foundation helps these suffering families.  We supply them with presents for Christmas, financial support to pay household bills, baskets of cheer for long hospital stays, and gifts for often forgotten siblings… but we can’t do it alone.  If you or anyone you know would like to make a donation to The Lexiebean Foundation to help us help children with cancer, please go to lexiebean.wpengine.com and make a donation, every dollar helps.

We are looking forward to our holiday party to be held at our local children’s hospital where both Lexie and Tanner were treated.  We will be supplying the children and their families with catered food, gifts from Santa, arts and crafts, and entertainment from some wonderful vendors who are participating with us.  Items we can always use for the children are new unwrapped toys, iTunes or Amazon gift cards (for the older kids), and money to help the parents.

Thankyou as always for stopping by, for thinking of us, for thinking of the families affected by pediatric cancer, and “Happy New Year”, may it be filled with health and happiness always.


Tanner’s Momma

Tanner in the snow, 2010... would you have liked skiing little dude??

Tanner in the snow, 2010… would you have liked skiing little dude??

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