Today as I took Chase by the hand to his Kindergarten orientation, as I scrolled through my facebook newsfeed looking at hundreds of smiling faces in freshly pressed outfits with new haircuts and new backpacks… I couldn’t help but think about “what should’ve been”. Today was bittersweet. Chase is starting Kindergarten at his elementary school. […]
…but you can’t take the oncology out of the mom. According to the Severe Weather Laboratory, lightning can strike the same place twice. They say that it could be a statistical fluke, but it could also be something about that site that makes it more likely to be struck. Any mom-cologist would agree, our biggest […]
So, last night we saw Theresa Caputo, the LI Medium. We have seen her before, always in group settings, and she is amazing. If you’ve ever seen her show, you know she has the funniest personality. We weren’t planning on going to this event, but like I’ve said before sometimes things just happen for a […]
I have been putting off writing for a long time now. I thought about writing at back to school time, with all the joys of watching Chase go off to school, and all the pain of looking at first day pictures knowing that I should have had two beautiful boys in my pictures too… thinking […]
Last week, The Lexiebean Foundation went to Sunrise Day camp, a camp specifically for children with cancer and their siblings on Long Island, to host our annual pizza party and give out nearly 400 goody bags for the kids. We do this every year, and every year I go with mixed emotions. That morning, after […]
3 years. How is it possible? I have gotten out of bed and continued breathing for 1,095 days without my son here on this earth. April 25th, 2011 the world stopped turning and our lives and hearts were shattered as Tanner took his last breaths, snuggled in between Andrew and myself, holding our hands. How […]
Sometimes, you think you’re doing great. I’d even go as far as to say I thought I was having a good day. I went to work, I came home, I worked out, cooked dinner, did some homework with Chase, took a shower… I went to clean up some toys in Tanner’s room (we let Chase […]
We all deserve to live our lives as joyfully as possible, despite our heartaches. I am not the same person I was before Tanner died. I am a broken person, with a little less spring in my step, and a little less cheer in my voice. I will never be who I was before, […]
Here’s the thing about being a bereaved parent – it is the constant. It is the new starting point for all other feelings, experiences and emotions. You can feel joy, but you feel joy with a base of sadness, an underpinning of grief. I feel joy when I watch Chase accomplish new things – like […]
I really can’t believe my baby is going to be 4 years old. 4 years ago, on January 30th, 2010, Chase came into our lives, 9 weeks early, a tiny little man, only 3lb 5oz. He was born via emergency c-section and I should’ve known then that his grand “crash” entrance into this world was […]
